Excerpt: Chapter 15 | Baby Needs a New Pair of Shoes

Before traveling to Atlanta for my scheduled sex party, I had always snorted Tina, but that was about to change. Up to that point, I was always interested in going to the clubs to dance and hang out with my friends when doing drugs, but I was introduced to smoking Tina in Atlanta. Inhaling Tina is a very different high than you get when you snort the drug. I learned that weekend that people who partied on Tina while having sex usually smoked it.


My host invited some really hot guys to his place. We partied and people got naked. I was introduced to a gay sex site on the internet called Manhunt by my fellow naked partygoers. Manhunt was a place where many positive men hooked up with other positive men for sex, revolutionary at the time. There wasn’t a whole lot of sex taking place at the sex party, mostly because the guys were bottoms with no tops present. Some guys were naked, watching porn on the bed, while others were logged onto Manhunt cruising for other guys. I was totally out of my comfort zone. The night turned to day and the next day we were still getting high and hanging out. When the evening came, we decided to go to a gay club. I was becoming a little sketchy and felt unsafe. I had not slept in thirty-six hours and had very little to eat in that time, if anything. I knew very little about my host, as I had only met him one time before at the bathhouse and that encounter only lasted a short time. 


When we arrived at the club, I was certainly over my normal limit on the amount of drugs I considered safe to consume in a specified amount of time and I was not feeling good about the situation or myself. However, in the midst of my screwed-up behavior, I was still able to ascertain that I was out of control and not feeling very happy about my actions. Shortly after we arrived at the club, I separated myself from the group and deliberately got lost in the throbbing music and the crowd of gyrating men on the dance floor. The longer I stayed the more it felt as if the walls were closing in on me. My self-respect had caught up with my behavior and it was not happy. As this realization hit me, I impulsively left the club and the people with whom I had come to party. 


Since I had been to Atlanta on many other occasions, I was familiar with the city. I decided to check myself into a nearby hotel for the night. I was in a desperate state and had to get away from the sex and drug-fueled environment where I was staying. I needed a solid night’s sleep to get my mind thinking properly and the only way that was going to happen was if I checked into a hotel alone. I had left the club and headed to a hotel because I was not feeling safe in the environment where I had placed myself, but I had definitely lost my way and my moral compass was beginning to show signs of rebooting. 


When I arrived in my room, I locked the door behind me and placed a chair in front of it and under the door handle. I’m not sure what I was afraid of, although I was afraid of something. I felt like a little boy in a grown man’s body and all I wanted at that moment was for someone to hold me, tuck me in bed, and tell me that everything was going to be all right. I looked for a Bible in a drawer of one of the nightstands. For those of you too young to know what I’m referring to…there was a day when hotels placed a copy of the Bible in a drawer next to the bed. I took the Bible out of the drawer and held it in my arms while I laid on the bed. I asked God to keep me safe and shortly afterward, I fell asleep. Gideon International, a Christian association, has placed more than 1.8 billion Bibles in hotels throughout the United States and in over 190 other countries, as they did in my hotel room in Atlanta. This project has been so successful that other religions have started providing literature to hotels. As a result, you may find the Quran or the Book of Mormon next to your Gideon Bible at your next hotel stay. If I knew then what this little book represented and the power within it, I would’ve taken it and kept it with me for the rest of my days. That little Gideon Bible did what no man could do. However, I would need to wait years to be enlightened as to what transpired in that hotel room in Atlanta that night