Excerpt: Chapter 20 | Security in the House

When I arrived back home, I discovered that Philven had not let the babies out to go to the bathroom. Once again, he failed to do a simple task that I had asked of him. The boys had pissed on the floor in the guest room and in the office. How fucking difficult could it have been for Philven to get his lazy ass out of the bed and open a door so the boys could do their business? Since there was a five-foot fence around the entire house, Philven didn’t even have to watch the boys while they were in the yard, he just had to let them back inside when they were done. He was coming down from his few days of partying and didn’t care about anyone or anything, other than laying his lazy ass in bed. I couldn’t discipline the puppies for going to the bathroom in the house. It wasn’t their fault that they couldn’t get outside. I cleaned up their urine and let them out in the yard so they could finish their business before I fed them and we went to bed. I installed tile floors throughout the entire house when I remodeled it, so the cleanup was quick and easy, but I felt sorry that they had to hold it so long, until they couldn’t wait any longer, and relieved themselves in the house.

I finally went to bed somewhere around one or one-thirty in the morning. A few hours after I fell asleep, I was suddenly awakened by the moon shining brightly in my face. Before I opened my eyes and realized it was the moon, I thought someone was shining a flashlight in my eyes. The light was that bright. The moon was again hovering outside my bedroom window, just above the fence, like the previous night. This time, instead of being annoyed, I got out of bed to investigate the situation a little closer. I went into the living room and looked up to the sky and saw a vision, which consisted of three moons. This was the second vision I had involving three moons, but this one was different. Two of the three were full moons, like before, but the third was now a crescent moon. They were positioned in the sky diagonally and very close to each other. I wondered if the moon that I saw in my first vision, that appeared to be fading or dying off, had transformed into the crescent moon that I was seeing. Many years later, I came to believe that the dying moon represented the world that I created for myself from my poor choices. I now understand that God was telling me that the world where I resided, for more years than I care to remember, was fading or, for lack of a better description, dying off. The crescent moon represented a new world, where I would find refuge and a place of belonging. I don’t believe that it was a coincidence that I went to TBN and thought I experienced an encounter with the Heavenlies and, upon returning to the desert and falling asleep, awoke to a vision in the sky. Based on what I experienced that day, I wholeheartedly believe God was introducing me to a new world. What I didn’t know at that time, and wouldn’t learn until later, was that the crescent moon is the symbol that sits on top of some, but not all, mosques, much like a cross sits on most, but not all, churches. The star-crescent adornment on the mosques was adopted after the Turks conquered Constantinople, known today as Istanbul – it didn’t start as a religious symbol, but as a symbol of state. 

I headed to the office, connected to the house, to examine what I was seeing in the sky. As I walked between the living room and the office, I realized that God was reaching out to me. When I entered the office, the three moons were over the highest point in Palm Springs…Mount San Jacinto, which is also referred to as one of the ‘Four Saints’. The Four Saints are four mountains in southern California that are named after Catholic Saints: San Jacinto Peak, Mount San Gorgonio, the highest of the San Bernardino Mountains, San Bernardino Peak, and Mount San Antonio, the highest of the San Gabriel Mountains. I reached the furthest point in the office, closest to the mountains and in front of the floor to ceiling glass window, got down on my knees. I looked up at the three moons. Once again, I called out to God. I asked if He was truly reaching out to me and, if so, I asked Him to bestow wisdom and knowledge onto me. 

I often think back and wonder why I didn’t ask for money. By that time, I had been forced to close my business and had no means of earning an income. I was close to being broke and I still had the pending lawsuit against me. I was worried the bank was going to foreclose on my house in the coming months. With these overwhelming and crippling situations on my plate, I find it strange that I asked for wisdom and knowledge and not for almighty cash. I didn’t hear God’s voice that night, but right after I posed my request, a heavy layer of fog came over the mountains and into the valley, which prevented me from seeing the mountains and the three moons in the sky. Fog is a rare phenomenon in Palm Springs and its appearance at the exact moment that I called out to God seemed to me a sign that He was there. Shortly afterward, the valley was covered in dense fog and I went back to bed. I was absolutely overwhelmed and exhausted and I fell back to sleep immediately.  

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